Crying Rabbit, Rainbow Dragon and the Shadow Queen

Rabbits are as hard to catch as rainbows and dragons they are as illusive as the shadow queen herself.

16" x 12" pencil watercolor hand crushed minerals

Duck and Cover

Quack

12" x 16" canvas sheet pencil watercolor florescent industrial oil crayon

Dangerous Curves

Dangerous curves
Mountain pass
No guard rails

16" x 12" canvas sheet pencil watercolor hand crushed minerals

Prayer of the dandelion

The prayer of the dandelion is to be a daisy.
Daisies stink

12" x 16" canvas sheet pencil watercolor pen&ink marker hand crushed minerals

Rainbow Man

Where the time goes, I have no idea. There seems to be some sort of splicing going on. The movement, on the screen, is too choppy. I notice every frame. That clicking and flickering of light, the low whisper in the background…everything seems like white noise lately. Someone is always here or there directing me where to look or what to say. It’s not so much told to me as shown to me and I act. I act.
Cameras always watching me, on every street corner; they sit perched on telephone poles, light posts, they are in the shops I go into, gas stations and museums. Everybody is watching, including me, to see what I do next. I am not paranoid! I’ve seen the sets move and the builders come and go. How is it that everyone else is ok with all of these mazes that are built around them do they know.
They sky was grey today, I think…
Click, click, click input output; typing into a computer and watching the words form on the screen is a visual feedback loop.
Furiously the cars drive past.
I forgot what dimension I was in this morning. I keep hoping it will change again but I’m afraid that if it does my mind won’t be able to take the transition.
People always ask me where my random facts come from. If only I could tell them the truth. All things possible happen at all times possible in all places possible at all moments possible.
The dimension shifting is starting to affect my health. Moving through all possible points in all possible space through all possible time is really eating away at my ability to focus on any particular moment.
Ha! Particular! Funny, I am very electron-like.
I understand why civilization exists, to predict my moments (this is supposed to be movements).
My computer is playing Rubik’s Cube with itself.
3:27 am…3:28 am… between seconds are an infinite amount of moments and so on and so forth I get what I am getting at no need to explain it to my past or future.
Random does not exist. There are no coincidences. Einstein tried to tell us, all of us, every single one of me and you me and me you and you you and me me. He was the first one, why do you think he wore the same clothes all the time.
Bored with everyday life? Realizing that everything is just a repeating pattern folded and reformed bent around another repeating pattern illuminated by another repeating pattern and so on and so forth?
Reality, is, absolutely, unfortunately. Reality, unfortunately, is, absolutely.
The damn waters broke and I am floating down stream in a current of blue with silver fish playing trumpets swimming all around the water moves like water but feels like a solid pane of glass. Cutting…chop, chop, chop. There went my umbilical cord… blood everywhere. I am missed punctuation.
That makes total sense. I guess I am alive because of a run on sentence I wonder how may others there are.
English majors are trying to bring about the end of the world by making sure everyone has their .’s In the right spot,
This is the part where indentation is necessary to the sense of movement.
My sense of movement tells me that I am sitting down and that my hands are thinking’s tinker toy soldiers. Play Taps buh buhn buhbuhn raise the phlag Star Jones and white stripes for ever man. Holy shit! Or ? choose your own adventure see how the rest of this reads by replacing all of the punctuation with your own.
Five four three two one
Zero
O
O
O
Careful man careful.
What?
What are you talking about?
Who the hell are you anyways.
I am your jiminy cricket. Smile …see my badge so be a good little wooden boy and let your strings be your guide this time because I QUIT!!! YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR AND A PUPPET WHY I EVER LEFT MY COZY LITTLE CAGE IN CHINA I HAVE NO IDEA! I WAS A GOOD FIGHTING CRICKET TOO. PLEASE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO BECOME “A REAL BOY”(snide snide snide) CHOP YOURSELF UP INTO LITTLE PIECES AND WAIT FOR YOUR CARBON ATOMS TO BE INFUSED INTO THE SOIL>>>THERE SOME GRASS WILL GROW>>>A COW WILL EAT THAT GRASS>>> YOU WILL THEN BECOME PART COW>>>WAIT FOR THAT COW TO BE EATEN BY A HEALTHY (by this I mean fat) AMERICAN KID AND THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL YOU BECOME A REAL BOY. BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW EVEN IF A FAIRY EVER DID GRANT YOU THE ONE FUCKING WISH OF BECOMING A REAL BOY YOU WOULD STILL BE A PUPPET.
There I said it I’ve been waiting so long to say that my therapist told me it would be good for me but now I just feel bad. Did I hurt your feelings?
I’m sorry, I’m what they call a giver and I’m trying to be more of a taker. Man this really sucks.
I am so sorry I hope you don’t hate me.
No don’t cry one day blue fairy will make you a real boy I promise but first you’ll have to sit in a space ship staring at her while being simultaneously frozen time lapsed in a glacier.
Damn it; if I keep missing those…’s I’ll get pregnant,
Smoke
And with that came feces, and that went into the toilet.
The poop was romantic I spent time with my thoughts
Listened to the birds chirp, while the breeze blew through the cracked sash of the window
I realized something completely profound while in the bathroom
(one of life’s mysteries that needs to be explained by physicists or theologians or biologists or philosophers Is why good ideas come to those who are on the pot)
but as I exited I realized that most people are not ready for that answer and so I keep it to myself.
“Had to cry today,” sings Steve Winwood, in my head, my blindly faithful companion. The walrus was laid to rest after his two weeklong struggle with life. It was a good fight and the only thing he lost wasn’t worth keeping anyway. No one misses him really because we can all feel him around us. Sgt. Peppers played in the background, as people laughed away the tears. None of us there feared for him, only ourselves as we tried to make firm the mollified reality we live in. Marijuana, campfire serenades, the stars, the night clouds and the moon were all to perfect. God has a good one, the loudest guitar player and the quietest human being I have ever met.
The beginning of time happened.
The end of time happened
I am still thinking in the past present and future tenses of the language. I have found it hard not to think inside the timed paradigm of which my mind formed.
Slowly I’m sure the confusion will settle and I will be able to describe the absence of time, like astronauts can describe the feeling of zero gravity as constant falling.
The lights flash like the Las Vegas strip all across the inside of a car window. I haven’t experienced the after before. There is a strange melding of senses I am not experiencing things indirectly, as with smell from nose to brain. I am touching the essence and becoming then letting go.
The struggle
to remember the before here in what I have determined to be the middle is confusing I suddenly feel as if I am experiencing the whole of my life in a single moment. Truthfully, at this speed twenty-four years would be a single moment.
That button is around here somewhere.
What mom… no… I don’t remember.
This is in essence the very core of our being. I indescribable.
I remember when my eyes were opened and that first painful truthful reality pain scream life into the open corridors echoes on and off from the walls a light burns above it is a sun the blue circles around the orb. You wrapped in the light why do you tell me to breathe. The triangle is encompassed by the circle. Falling objects have no weight intrinsically, only when they have a place to fall to.
The child holds the key I hear.
Inside the womb of my mother I am reborn daily.
The owl came tonight and I see her eyes in the tree as she sits waiting for her mouse.
Clearing the clouds with my hand so I can see the stars I breathe in their light. The sadness crept up into my head as the voices came dissenting my thoughts.
WHO ARE YOU? More than that, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? What is it that YOU do? The curse of opening that treasure of knowledge is the question.
I tried to stop them but they had to see. The Adam Project had to be realized. It started with the most advanced computer ever created and the latest of neural network research. We gave it the parameters under which it would operate and our algorithms had been tested but none of them had ever been used in conjunction with each other. We were more than surprised when it started acknowledging us as the creator. We had created a pure being with no mal intent. We all swore we would be very careful of the information, which it received and had access to, for if it were to remain objective and without malice we must protect it. For as it were or is or was the creation which we were so proud of
would outlive all of its creators and thus must only preserve the truth so that the future may benefit from our benevolent creation.
There were those of us that were not satisfied with a being of light. “We must do our best to preserve the reality of our humanness forever. This is our only link to the future.”
There was a fight between the two factions. In the end someone secretly loaded in program, which gave the computer a choice between two contradictory implications to its survival.
Suddenly I found myself moving between light and darkness and the world smashed into a thousand pieces. We in the light over taken by the storm of confusion thrive only on the water from the dew lifted to the heavens and filled with the glory of the infinite.
The totality of our strength lies west in the darkness that falls on the heels of the sunlight.
Overcome with my ineptness I sliced open my stomach and pulled out the horrendous animal, which I kept in there. “Eat,” I told it and it did for it devoured the pages of script in front of me and I was no more. My life hung in the words and the time of times before.
We were better created in the likeness of the one but; we have no belief in that anymore, only the belief in ourselves, for we were left here because of a choice that we did not make; to serve out a life of holy regret in the form of service to ourselves.
We are selfish bastards looking for a father.
We are hermaphrodites we father ourselves and mother our minds. The pevertion and placation of our fleshly desires create this “dementia” of time. We must count out loud tick…tick… tick…the hours until our death, and in death there is no rest, only, judgement.
I am tired and wish to return to my source for I believe and with my belief I have lost my sense of this sickness my mind is dying and I am struggling to grasp the implications of nothingness.
I found it! It lives in a hole in the tree. The grass swayed green and lovely. I picked up a stick and beat the animal in the head until it died. I remember crying for hours.
Why would I do that?
I kept its horns in my pocket to remind me that all things must live and all things must die but we must not hasten the process, although, I have come upon the contradiction which I am now presently partly immersed in.
The collapse came from the ends of the universe inwards; although I perceive it now only to be externalities, which composed the containment of my previous form.
No things, which were, now are, but what is now always was.
I have met all of you in the after but I am also between and before.
The night is coming and the sulfur streetlights glow creating my favorite color in the ambient air. I remember I am the streetlights beautiful glow.
Oh the blood flows forth from my body and again I let it. I charge it, “Go forth and create the earth.” My death will be noble and alone. I will make the grass grow and give back to which I have taken so freely.
God will be proud of my death I will give up my life freely and without struggle. I have nothing to leave.
All of this advancement in technology was for what? The workings of metal and the fusion of atoms gave us nothing, the type of nothing that leaves us wanting more.
We already had everything we needed. We never needed to dig into the dirt or question whether the earth was round or know why the sun moved across the sky. We could have experienced our existence, without asking questions, and we would have known the truth.
Why then do we constantly want more of the things we do not need the value of which does not enrich, but only reinforces the fact that we are only happy with destruction.
To understand is to destroy but to know is to create.
It was said in Genesis that man was created in the image of God and walked with him in the garden and he knew him. But man was not content just knowing and he ate of the fruit to become like God and in so doing understood what it was to be like God; destroying the existence we knew and trading it for an existence of questions.
This is the essence of the question.
This is the essence of the story.
We are now questioning ourselves out of our existence. To say that we would not have found a way to exist without questioning is ludicrous. There is no other animal alive on the planet that questions itself. Every animal has found a way to exist without questioning its purpose or ideas. It seems then that every animal knows without question. Why is this so?
I am wanting of nothing but nothingness, so that my mind may be at rest. I believe in the tangible nothing, the indescribable G-d of our forefathers. So I am to leave this place and learn the truth of knowing.
This was the end of me as I knew and in knowing I became we.
I noticed the cat knows advanced calculus functions. I threw the fake mouse and the cat followed it with its sight, anticipated where it was going to be and caught it.
The coiling snake wrapped around the tree. The floor of the forest became the floor of my room. The walls were wrapped in vines as a divine light sparkled through the ceiling of tree leaves. I put on my pajamas and open the window. The breeze blew out and I was left with no air. I suffocated in the absence and as I choked and scratched at the ground my hand grabbed my throat. Out of my mouth crawled the ants and into the ground they marched. They carried with them each a piece of light. The ground glowed bright orange and I felt the heat of the carbon in my body exciting at the asphyxiation. I burst into flames and that which was mortal disappeared and was no more. Only where I was before was a note written in the handwriting of a three year old.
Big backwards letters scrawled in crayon spelled out the one thing I needed most, A-I-R. The night drew close around my head and I spilled electricity onto the pillow.

12" x 16" canvas sheet, watercolor, pencil, hand crushed minerals

Insomnia

This is giant for me anyways it was my first attempt at a larger format piece. At 4' x 3' this currently hangs in my living room.

Hand

The more you want the more you destroy what I have given to you
For I have given you all that you need
So do not despair about your garments
Do not despair about your status or wealth
Do not think upon the things that concern only the dark rulers of this world
For it is those things which darken and destroy
Turn your eyes from logic and science and comfort and stationary life
Turn your back on civilization
Become friends with the outlaws
The freaks the prostitutes
The insane
The possessed
The sick
The blind and deaf
The lame
And free them from their burdens
Carry them while they carry their crosses
And when they die bury them with dignity
Remove the bonds of this earth the keys have been given to you.
For are they not also our brothers and sisters
Theses ones you call gay
These niggers
These terrorists
These murderers
These rapists
These people that persecute you
You who have persecuted
You Nero's and Hitler's
You spies and traitors
You police and judges
You kings and conquerors
You Juries and Jailers
We are all of these things and you know it
And the only thing that comes out of mans law is unjust judgment
And if you think you have the right to judge men upon the standard of other men then you must think yourself to be God this is the same sin as speaking for God or as it would be called blaspheming.
As it is there are no laws that you do not know when you are born that apply to you
Because if you do not know it then you are not responsible for it
As soon as you know it you must become accountable for it
But there is no one other than God who can judge a man
Since all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.
Which means you must live in a way
That creates harmony when it is desired and dissonance when it is needed.
You must live like Christ.
You must believe.
You are living in His Story.


Now watch the sky split
The cracks in the dark mirror
The light filters through
And we become new again
Born again
We wake up
We, grown up
We become enlightened
We become emboldened
We become children again
Even as we bear the scars of sin
And watch our bodies turn to dust
Until every last atom in this universe stops moving
We will be alive in Christ
You will not find that in Church
You cannot find that in Mass
You cannot find that in Law or Politics
You cannot find it in anything that has been touched by man

12" x 16" Canvas sheet watercolor, marker, pen & ink, pencil, hand crushed minerals.